Two guys are walking down the street when a mugger approaches them and demands their money. They both grudgingly pull out their wallets and begin taking out their cash. Just then one guy turns to the ...

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A man rushed into the veterinarian's office carrying his dog, thoroughly distraught. The vet examined the dog's still, limp body and sadly informed the man that the dog was dead.

Sadden...

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Q: What do you know when you see three elephants walking down the street wearing pink sweatshirts?
A: They're all on the same team.

Q: How do you know if there's an elephant in b...

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Once upon a time there was an archery contest.

The first archer, wearing a long cape covering his face, lines up in position...

He takes a deep breath and fires an arrow ...

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On a farm out in the country lived a man and a woman and their three sons.

Early one morning, the woman awoke, and while looking out of the window onto to the pasture, she saw that the ...

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A circus owner runs an ad for a lion tamer and two young people show up. One is a good looking guy in his mid- twenties and the other is a gorgeous blonde about the same age.

The circus...

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A guy walks into a dentist's office and flops right down on the couch.

"Doc", he says, "Here's the problem. I think I'm a moth"

"Well", says the doctor, "That certainly i...

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Two couples were playing cards one evening. One of the husbands, Jerry, accidentally dropped some cards on the floor. When he bent down under the table to pick them up, he noticed that Ray's wife Shan...

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Once George Bush Jr. visited an elementary school to talk to a group of 3rd graders. He said to them, "Today we are going to discuss the difference between a tragedy, a great loss and an accident".
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Blood, a young vampire bat came flapping in from the night, covered in fresh blood and perched himself on the roof of the cave to get some sleep. Before long, all the other bats smelled the blood and ...

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A duck walks into a feed store and asks, ''Got any duck feed?''

The clerk tells him, ''No, we don't have a market for it it so we don't carry it.''

The duck says, ''Okay'...

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John just graduated from clinical psychology and opens his first office. After some successful advertising he is astounded to have nearly 300 people wanting to be in group therapy. John decides to ren...

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One day, God and Adam were walking in the Garden of Eden. God told Adam that it was time to populate the Earth.

"Adam, you can start by kissing Eve."

"Lord, what is a kis...

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A husband, tired of his wife asking him how she looks, buys her a full length mirror. This does little to help, as now she just stands in front of the mirror, looking at herself, asking him how she lo...

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After living in the remote wilderness of Kentucky all his life, an old codger decided it was time to visit the big city. In one of the city’s stores, he picked up a mirror and looked in it. Not knowin...

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A man walks into a bar with an ostrich and a cat and sits at the bar. The bartender walks over to them and says, "What can I get for you?"

The man says "I'll have a beer", the ostrich ...

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An English prisoner of war was held by the Germans. The Englishman was shot all over the place, and okay until one day when the German told him, "Englander, your arm is infected with gangrene we must ...

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A young wife, her boorish husband and a young good looking sailor were shipwrecked on an island. One morning, the sailor climbed a tall coconut tree and yelled, "Stop making love down there!"
<...

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After having been served in a Las Vegas cocktail lounge, a real southern gentleman beckoned the waitress back and said quietly, "Miss, y'all sure are a luvly, luvly lady; can ah persuade y'all to give...

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This is a story about a couple who had been happily married for years. The only friction in their marriage was the husband's habit of farting loudly every morning when he awoke.

The noi...

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